Having a toddler around the house is a lot of fun. There would be a lot of giggles, running around and the likes. But as most parents know, toddlers are prone to throwing temper tantrums as this is their way of dealing with difficult feelings. It would be great to know how to tune your child's emotions and to avoid situations that trigger his/her temper tantrums. Let's try to understand whats and whys of your childs tantrums.
What are tantrums?
Tantrums come in different forms. But mostly a child who's having a tantrums will most probably show the following behaviours:
1. crying
2. screaming
3. stiffening limbs
4. arched back
5. kicking
6. falling down
7. running away
In some cases, children hold their breath, vomit, break things or get aggressive as part of a tantrum.
Why do toddlers throw temper tantrums?
Tantrums are very common in children aged 1-3 years old. This is because children of this age are only starting to develop their social and emotional skills. They often do not know how to express their feelings or emotions through words so tantrums are one of the ways that young children express and manage their feelings. Through this they also try to understand or change what's going on around them.
Though tantrums are common in younger children, older children can also have tantrums. This usually happens when they haven't been able to find ways to properly handle their feelings. Slower self-regulation development may also be a reason behind.
How to avoid or at least lessen the occurence of tantrums?
1. Ensure your toddler is not experiencing stress. Being tired or hungry usually triggers tantrums in children.
2. Set a regular fun time with your toddler where you can give him/her your full attention. Being exposed to positive emotions, makes it easier for them to calm down whenever they get upset.
3. Be sensitive to your child's feelings. When you are fully aware of your child's feelings you would be able to feel or sense if something is wrong. Try to talk or discuss it with him/her. You would be able to help him/her manage is feelings better this way.
4. Be prepared with a diversion. Toddlers can throw tantrums anytime, anywhere. So you should always have something to use to distract or divert their attention like toys, books or their favorite snacks.
5. If their tantrums are already up to their maximum level, don't try to calm them down. Instead, take away your attention from them. Just ensure that they are safe as well as others near him/her. This would help them realize that you won't give in to their undesirable behaviour.
6. Stay calm. The louder she yells, the lower your voice should be. Shouting to each other won't help as you child will try to match the tone of your voice. Explain to you child calmly and let him or her understand the situation. If it is something you asked him/her to do that triggered the fit, don't push him/her to do it unless he/she is already calm. But you should still ask them to do it post-tantrum. If he/she did what you asked him/her to do, praise him/her better give them a big hug. That would make them remember the positive behaviour.
7. Remove them from the place where the tantrum happened until they calm down. Changing the venue definitey changes a child's behaviour.
8. Try to discipline your child without spanking. So being calm is really a must. Spanking is sometimes beneficial but the most important thing is the lesson learned by your child after the punishment. So if you can discipline him/her without spanking, then that's ideal.
9. Acknowledge your child's feelings and let them know that you understand that they are upset. This will help them calm down and reset their emotions.
10. Finally, you should always be the one in control. If the tantrum happens because your child wants something, don’t give him what he wants. If your child doesn’t want to do something, use your judgment. For example, if your child doesn’t want to get out of the bath, it might be safer to pull out the plug than to lift him out.
Tantrums isn't ideal but they are an important part of your child's emotional and over all development. Here are some reasons why:
1. It's better to let the stress and anger out than not. Tears contain cortisol known as the stress hormone. So basically when we cry, we release stress out of our bodies. But it is important that there is a loved on close to your child during outburst to provide support. You may observe that after all the crying, shouting and kicking, your child usually is in a much better mood. It helps if we let our kids tantrum without trying to interrupt the process so they get to the end of their feelings.
2. Allowing your child to get to the end of her tantrum improves her emotional well-being and may help her sleep through the night.
3.Throwing tantrums means your child feels safe to tell you how he/she feels. In most cases, children aren't using tantrums to manipulate us or get what they want. Often your child is accepting the no, and the tantrum is an expression of how he feels about it. You can stand firm with the no, and empathize with his sadness.
4. Tantrums improves your bond with your toddler. Believe it or not, you may not feel that you child needs or wants you near when they are having their meltdown, but of course they do. Don't talk too much but offer a few kind, reassuring words. Offer hugs. Your child will soak up your unconditional acceptance and feel closer to you afterwards.
5. Having a big tantrum helps your child release the feelings that can get in the way of his natural, cooperative self.
6. If the tantrum happens at home, there's less chance it will happen in public.
When children get to fully express their emotions, they will often choose to have their upsets at home where they sense we are more availabile to listen.
The bottom line is to keep calm. Don't lose your control over your child's tantrums as that would only make things worse. Understanding you child and letting them be will help them regulate their feelings and avoid temper tantrums in the long run.
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